Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
