just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
handjob tips. give me some.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
