a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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