I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize