Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
