I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
