I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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