we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Let's get the cat blown out
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
