I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
