So drunk its hurt
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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