Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
