And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
