So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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