ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm determined to sit on that face.