I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
it was like eating out sand paper
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me