you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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