Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
