White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
