he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
