At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
