I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I would fuck him just for his dog
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
where are my eyebrows?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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