This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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