One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
