I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
