News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
