I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
