Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
