he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Is Oprah even human
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
