I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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