why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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