When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
