the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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