don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
