talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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