explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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