Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
