I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
