Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
