No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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