Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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