Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
whose parrot is this?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
