"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
