i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
barbara walters just said penis...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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