Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
