she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
