My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
