She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
