So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
