At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
