Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
