Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize