Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
