Are we in a gay sports bar?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
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