k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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