My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
