she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
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