I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
