the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
