PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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