u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
