i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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