CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
