dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
