There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
