Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
