My underwear smells like fireworks.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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