ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
