Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
