My brain says no but my pants say off.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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