Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
