So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
