listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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