Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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