And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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