where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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