You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
