So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
