My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize