I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
