my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
