Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
