I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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