WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
