Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
