I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
