I seem to have left my pride at pride
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
