im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
