i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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